"Some old radio guy at 4:30am"

As my palace retainers will tell you I almost never consent to interviews or photo sessions. "Damages the air of Royal mystery" don't ya know. Anyway a world famous pornographer stopped by the Imperial Broadcast Center last night, and asked to take a few pix's.

Apparently she's doing a spread on "celebate perverts" so naturally she wanted my royal visage in the lot. I must point out that at the time I'd been up for two daze. I hadn't eaten, I had a awful headache, and a serious anxiety attack had just slipped past my med's best defences.

I was fucked up felt like shit, and wanted to die. So in the tradition of Holly Woodlawn I immediately agreed to the shoot. The images of me climbing up the side of the building with my underwear on my head while singing "Blue Moon" I edited out at the last minute.

I've decided to use that batch as Christmas cards. Otherwise this is more or less me. 'Crap I'm alot fatter than I thought! That stuff just creeps up on ya like income tax. Still I guess all them bar-b-que'd ribs I ate had to go somewhere.

Btw I like the last one. The one in the dark is the best. Click on it, and you'll see. Spacey.

"Aliens"

For heavens sakes just give them Green Cards, and have done with it! Yeah I'm still playing with my dolls. Wanna make somethin' of it?! Hey it pass's the time.

In these hot months there's not much to do except broil in our own lard, and read detective novels. Well I'm done to a turn, and have run out of trashy books to half read. So I'm indulge'n myself with my digital camera, and my box of action figures.

Maybe when the heat/humidity storms end in the fall, I hope, I'll get serious again, and pester you with all the woe's of the world. Then again maybe I won't. I'm so weary of politics, and genocide.

Speaking of which I was going to do a Ruwanda/Balkans doll, and action figure strip. I'd have U.N. troops sitting around playing cards while the village they're in is exterminated by the government, and or rebel troops.

What difference does it make both sides routinely do it all over the 3rd world. Usually while the U.N. is watching. If those useless "mamalukes" was in Warsaw in 1942 they'd have just stood by, and let the Nazi's finish off the last of the Jews.

"Sorry,..intervention ain't in our mandate." That's what they told desparate people in Ruwanda. Them Jewish folks would'a heard the same shit. Fuck'em. I say tear down'n dig out that useless sheet of glass on the eastside. Put something useful in the hole. A Crack House maybe.

"Evening"

Hi gang. I was wandering around the tip of Manhattan tonight, and took a few snaps. Nothing exciting just the city easeing into night. It's another warm eveing in town. Not much humdity thank gawd.

Hope your evening is peaceful too. Btw, of course click on snaps to get an eyefull.

Stay Tuned.

"Reprieved!"

Well your beloved Emperor was rudely summoned to the jury box of the puppet government of New York. I bore this gross indignity with the courage you'd expect of us. We answered their uncouth questions, and behaved in a way that we hoped would be an example to the other unfortunate internee's.

However I am happy to say that we were quickly released from this inconvient servitude! The intervention of our Ministry of State, as well as hinted threats form the Royal Ministry of Assassins saved the day.

Well that, and the fact there seems to have been less murders, rapes, and armed robberies this week. Probably due to all the heavy rain lately.

You'll be happy, and relieved to know that we are back within the safty of the Royal compound, and beer gardens. Btw, serving on a jury is a noble thing. A hallmark of all more or less free societies.

It's just a pain in the ass to have to do it is all.

(Btw, "Police Cat" is a swell book.)

"Day in Court ll"

It's an outrage I say! A clear violation of our Royal person, and Imperial Soveveignty! The United frigg'n Nations will hear of this foul shit!

The so-called government of the United States, and it's puppet provience of New York have given me Jury Duty!

Just when things was finally going smooth in our realm these imperialist atomic plunderer's invade our palace with their vile summons. Outragous! I'm gonna sue!

"Vote for OBAMA!" (...as many times as you can.)

Ever since George Bush II, and the Republican party stole the election of 2000. I've been a tad suspicious of this whole "democracy" thing. This btw is one of the reasons I started my own autocratic Royal Republic. No elections or other inconvient trivialities here!

Anyhow a few years have passed, and there've been terror attacks, war, assorted acts of local mayhem, rotting national infastrucure, loss of rights. When they tossed out Habeas Corpus even I realized things might be getting nasty.

So maybe we should reconsider "regime change" in this country. Granted they're all asshole's, and thieves. Still putting a different crook in power will at least give us new hopefully more interesting scandals. That, and perhaps wars in more agreeable places.

France sounds like a good target.

Invading France would have the backing of the whole country. This rigthous cursade would give us instant national unity! It'd be childs play. Them froggies would surrender in a day or two like they always do, and we'd finally have that 51st state we always wanted.

We'll change the name of the place to "Freedomland". Although the former French might object to the loss of universal medical care, affordable housing, free education, and their precious five week vactions. Tough. They'll just have to learn as we have that Freedom isn't Free" it's expensive as hell. That's America's gift to the world.

But I digress.

Obama! Yep I'm an Obama man. Yeah sure he's probably playing us like all the others, but he's still a breath of fresh air. Like Kennedy he's a smart young guy that knows how shit really works. He's what America really is or at least is evolving into.

Multi-racial, cosmopolitan, techno-savy, and sexy. What the fuck more do you want. This guy is a highly entertaining major sex scandal waiting to happen. Besides that he might also save our souls,...something here for everyone. Gawd Bless America! (...and her offshore possessions.)

Stay Tuned.

"Subway Toons"

"Betty",...a day in the life.

Betty starts another day in North, South Central, Eastern Brooklyn. A rundown part of town that used to be the site of many Cold War munitions plants. With the unfortunate end of that glorious conflict massive unemployment came as the CIA, and Disneyland shut down all their Nerve Gas, and H-Bomb factory's.

Our hero Betty,...she's the one with the "Supergirl" fetish. Our hero who lives in one of the many abandoned Nuclear Bomb sites with her mutant "Dog" Bjorn is making ready to walk her creature, and meet some friends for breakfast.

Yes her old pals Wonderwoman, and the deceased, vegetarian zombie John Lennon are waiting for her on Valley of Tears Street. But wait! Betty smells something. Could it be,...my gawd it's the aroma of hot leather and menstral blood!

That can only mean one thing! It's Batwoman! '...and is she pissed!! Not only is she steamed at Betty for shorting her on that last heroin deal. Our Caped Lesbian Avenger is also out to even things with them two "stool pigeons" Lennon, and Wonderwoman!

Thanks to those snakes rat'n on her Batwoman has to pay off more cops. That foul shit cuts deep into her profits from the "Toon", and "Superhero" junkie market.

Without so much as a "Fuck you! Ya lowlife Mutha Fucker's! I'm gonna cut ya fuck'n tongues out! See if ya can spill anymore beans wit no frigg'n tongues ya two faced, fuck'n mamaluke's!!

Yes, without even a restrainted greeting such as that Batwoman launch's into the two informers without mercy!

Betty's radioactive "dog-thing" attempts to go for Batwoman's jugular, but is quickly dispatched to mutant doggie hell for his troubles.

All heck's breaking loose on "Valley'a Tears" street when out'a da blue come's Hillary Clinton! (In her new makeover for the election.)

Hillary a former lover, and client of Batwoman chills her out. Talks her down from her angel dust fueled rage, and gives her a bit of oral sex, and anal reaming. (Deleted scene)

Just as things were starting to get sane again the stupid vegetarian zombie John Lennon bursts in with Homeland Security to stop Batwoman! After some confusion the troops realise who this walking corpse is, and immediately bust him on outstanding charges from 1968.

Hillary intercedes on John's behalf by spreading a few bucks around, and promises of invites to the Inauguration to the cops. This springs our hippy zombie from the heat, and he goes back to his crypt in New Jersey.

Well all's well that end's well. Our pals Batwoman, Betty, and the probable next President of the United States of America Hillary decide to go Broadway to see "Lion King"

Betty forgave Batwoman for severing Bjorn's spine, and ripping his balls off, and Batwoman called off her Yakuza beheading contract on Betty. Ya remember that thing about the missing heroin. Anyway they's pals again.

The End.

(As with "A Faerie in NYC" you can see the deleted scenes from "Betty" on the "faerieland" page. Btw, Astro Boy in the Hitler Youth" is on my "Hell" blog. Well a few snaps from it anyway,..it's not finished.)